Hello, please allow me to introduce myself…

I am a dreamer, a thinker, a wisher on stars. I need space and sea as much as I need food and water. I stay in the car if a good song comes on, even when parked. I have been many things in my life, feeling my way, figuring it out. I get bored easily. I lose focus fast. I love hard and then not enough. I am a mix of contrasts and opposing forces. Yearning for freedom and space, while wanting to be held…

I am Gemini; therefore I am a host for both light and shade. Moving slow and fast, none of it defines me. I am inconsistent, mercurial. I shape-shift - this can be annoying for other people.

I like the high life. This is nothing to do with the typical associations of that phrase; cars, bars and champagne are not my drivers. I used to live for my social life; my friends, the clubs, the nighttime connections felt so strong back then. In the nineties, booze, narcotics and music encouraged such ease and openness. It felt glorious. It was glorious. It formed me. Those friends raised me into my true adulthood.

But the high life for me, now in my midlife, is something so different.

The high life for me now is the clarity of elevated thought. The surety of experience. The knowledge that I am the decisive element in my day, and I am resilient. The feeling I get when I really tap into the yoga magic. The physical thrill of a fast walk by the sea’s edge. Music - always music…
The hit of arriving on words written so damn well that they move me to instant tears, or make me want to shout YES! as loud as I can. Wherever I am. Whether convenient or not.

Those things make me high.

I am many things. I am a mother of two daughters. I have mothered them as a single-parent for over eight years. This has been the biggest challenge and greatest achievement of my life. They continue to be the best thing I have ever done. Or ever known. Or ever been chosen to do. They hold up mirrors to me on a daily basis. Mirrors where I see me. The real me, in all my grit and glory. I shout a bit, I cry a bit. I mother both hard and softly. It shakes me to my core. It shapes me. It is gutsy. It is good.

I have been a makeup artist -I was good. I have been a waitress - I was ok. I have worked in PR - I was awful. I have co-owned and run a makeup school - I was good, then distracted by pregnancy - the recession took care of the rest. I have been a blogger, a beauty editor, a website editor, a digital director, an editorial director and a freelance creative strategist.

All along, I wished for something else. Something that felt right in my insides.

I just didn’t know what it was to be.

I am both a good friend and a bad one. I love intensely but am bad at keeping in touch. I never want to hurt anyone and am devastated when I do. My intentions are good - though my lack of follow-through often lets me down.

Turning thought into action is my nemesis. I find it hard to bring my insides to the outside.

But now, at this age, who am I now?

I am still becoming.

I am still a daughter, sister, mother, friend. But I have newness too. I am now a partner in love, part of a newly formed blended family dynamic figuring it all out with our children. I am a writer. I am a strong woman. I grow more and more fearless each day.

I am an optimist, yet a realist. I am hopeful.

And this is something I know to be true; women are astounding. We are built of stern stuff: resilience and creativity are at our core. We create life. We maintain equilibrium. We work hard and with heart. We see a bigger picture. We see beauty. I believe in women - our resilience, our bravery, our capable spirit and attitude.

I wanted to create something for women.

I am smack bang in my midlife - my heyday. I feel vibrant and alive. Ancora Imparo, ‘still I learn’, Michelangelo had it on his grave - I have always loved the humility in that. That a creator with such a legacy, the benefactor of such a gift to the world still felt the spirit of potential. There’s a certain smallness in that I like. A quietude.

I don’t look back or yearn for my younger days, instead, I think often of the Beckett quote on youth, “I wouldn’t want it back, not with the fire in me now”.

And so, it is that spirit I bring to Heyday; that spirit of life, of fire. Of hope.

I am Ellie. I am flawed, so flawed. But perfect, nonetheless.

Heyday is here. This is my third birth.

I hope you see something for you here…
Drop your pin. Take what you need.

Ellie Balfe, May 2020.