In Her Heyday: Kate Gunn
12 minute read
Kate is a mother, the author of The Accidental Soberista, a runner and a swimmer with a lovely outlook on life. Read on for her midlife story…
Which three adjectives describe you best?
I couldn’t answer this one so I asked my daughter, my partner and my ex for one each. They said – in no particular order: Creative. Caring. Tenacious. I’ll take it!
What is on your mind most these days?
I’ve had the idea for a novel swirling around in my head for a while now, but have only just signed up to an actual novel writing course. Lots of ideas stewing and permeating before I begin!
What is the last thing that you said no to?
A day off school for one of my kids (they weren’t happy about it)
What is the last thing you said yes to?
A podcast to discuss the realities of separation and divorce in Ireland today.
How old are you?
48. So old that I have to ask other people to remind me how old I am.
What made you decide to do what you are now doing in your life?
I think most of us don’t really decide these things do we? We sort of fall into something, and then get nudged a little further in, and then become experts in that thing, and then become stuck, and then can’t see a way out. If we’re brave enough or lucky enough that’s when things change. I went from Big Tech to travelling, from Financial Services to mothering, from Welfare to blogging and from there to Digital Marketing and writing. There is no linear line – just lots of messy squiggles.
How many things have you been in your life so far?
Daughter – Friend - Student – Volunteer – Technical Support Rep – Team Leader – Backpacker – Avionics Engineer – Account Manager – Swimmer - Wife – Mother – Blogger – Freelance Journalist – Triathlete - Divorcee – Digital Marketing Manager – Author – Partner
Where do you come within your family, and did this have any influence on you?
I was the youngest of four and then when I was 10 years old my sister was born. I’m not sure that it affected me but I do remember pouring a pot of hot tea on her bare legs in my early teens – so you might say it did! (We are great friends now and I think she has forgiven me).
Are you where you wanted to be at this stage in your life?
In most respects yes. My life goals from when I was little were to be a mother, run a marathon and write a book and I am incredibly grateful to have done all three.
Now I just need to find that little cottage by the sea…
What is the best, and worst piece of advice you have received in your life so far?
Best: Never judge a man until you have walked in his shoes. This not only makes you a better human, it also takes away wasteful feelings of anger and resentment.
Worst: Get on the property ladder before it’s too late. (It was too late).
What does midlife feel like to you?
Freeing but tiring!
Is there something you have dreamt of doing for a long time? What is it? Are you going to do it?
Writing that novel. I’ve tried before but couldn’t quite get it right. I’m hoping this time is different.
Has there been a place, event, or experience that has transformed you or given you a new perspective? And what changed after that?
Many. Volunteering in the shanty towns of Mexico at 22 was formative. It revealed the world in all its glory and tragedy to me, after living a largely charmed and closeted life up to that point. The breakdown of my marriage rocked me to the core, but taught me that I am strong and resilient and surrounded by loving safety nets.
People talk a lot about pivoting these days, of all the 'switches' you've made or recommend, which has been the most powerful change for you personally?
Not so much a pivot but a definite switch. Giving up alcohol. It was never my intention – but what was supposed to be a 30-day challenge turned into 5 years and it is, without doubt, the greatest gift I could have been given. Everyone should try it.
Is there a milestone you are working towards in your personal or professional life at the moment?
Novel, novel, novel, novel.
Do you feel your creativity is surging or sinking in midlife?
I think it goes through phases. You need to be open to inspiration, do creative things little and often, not beat yourself up when the flow isn’t there, and do it for the joy of creating rather than a big end goal.
How do you think the world of work can improve for women?
Childcare is in crisis and women will never reach their potential until that is sorted. On top of that, the obvious flexible working is key.
What do you spend too much time doing? And what do you spend too little doing?
Too much time working. Too little time with my kids (though they don’t really want to spend time with me anymore!)
How do you care for your own wellbeing?
Daily sea swimming. Weekly yoga. Bi-monthly massages. Quarterly weekends away. Bi-yearly goal setting.
What do you feel free of now that you are at this life stage?
I’m just more happy being me and not trying to mould myself into something or someone I’m not.
What gives you the most stress at this life stage?
Kids education and the state of my house. I try not to think about pension and retirement too much – you can only do what you can do.
Do you sleep well?
Yes!
Do you take any supplements or HRT?
No.
What advice would you offer to yourself in your 20’s, 30’s and 40’s?
Don’t cash in that pension. Don’t buy that house. Everything will be okay.
Did you ever feel lost in your life path? How did you find your way again?
Marriages take a long time to break. Those days of trying to fix it and failing were hard. Add in a partner's depression along with trying to shelter three young kids from it all and there wasn’t much me leftover. I definitely lost who I was during those years. But we got through it. Life got better. We remain great friends to this day. The kids are okay. I fell in love again and am happier than ever.
What do you love about yourself?
My resilience. I’m also lucky enough to be quite sporty which I think is a great gift to be given in life.
When do you feel truly alive?
Swimming in the cold Irish sea.
What do you consider your biggest achievement?
Three wonderful kids and a friendly divorce.
What are you looking forward to?
The bank holiday weekend. Switching off, winding down, lighting the fire and reading. It really is the little things.
Are you a good friend?
That’s a great question and no, I don’t think I am. I am always making excuses in my head that I’m too busy, but everyone is busy and it’s all about priorities. One to work on.
What in life is beautiful to you? Where do you find inspiration?
My kid’s sleeping. Nature in all its forms. The sea is always inspiring. But you’d also be surprised how many good ideas hit when you are just doing the washing up.
I think silence is important for inspiration – we are too often plugged in on everything from walks to car journeys – taking on other people’s opinions and stories and filling our heads with noise. Silence is golden for creativity.
Any regrets?
That goddamn negative equity house!
What are you afraid of?
Like any parent, my greatest fear has always been something happening to one of my children. I still catastrophise silently every time they head off in a car with someone or don’t answer the phone on the fourth ring.
Knowing what you know now, what is most important in life?
Relationships. How you made people feel. All the people you touched during your life – that’s your legacy.
Favourite book, and why?
Impossible! I loved F Scott Fitzgerald’s The Beautiful and The Damned for many years. But more recently Where The Crawdads Sing is very hard to beat.
Favourite piece of music, and why?
Ludovico Einaudi ‘Nuvole Bianche’ is beautiful. It was the first piece of music my partner Aodhan sent me after the night we first met and still reminds me of that special time.
Last time you cried (tears of joy count!)
I actually can’t remember (not sure if that is good or bad).
How do you draw on your own inner strength and creativity?
I break things down. The whole picture is often overwhelming, but if we break it down into little steps everything is achievable. I wrote both of my books in one hour a day before the kids woke, and trained for my marathon in the same way.
Are you fulfilled?
Yes. And I feel very, very lucky to be able to give that answer. But it’s a moving target – you need to be happy with what you have achieved so far, but also be striving for the next thing. If we’re not progressing in some meaningful way, we’re not really living.
Ellie Balfe talks to Kate Gunn, October 2021.
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