Try Again. Fail Again. Fail Better
4 minute read
Did you set resolutions or intentions for 2022? Were they big goals or small ones? How will you feel this time next year if you don’t achieve them? Or have you already abandoned them in favour of shopping and Prosecco? No judgement, I’ve been there.
Humans have a universal need to be loved and wanted. Rejection and failure are horrible feelings, and many of us go through life trying to avoid them. Yet trying to avoid feeling uncomfortable means we end up living a much smaller life. The most successful people fail a lot, because they try a lot.
Jamie Kern Lima, founder of IT cosmetics, sold her business to L’Oréal for $1.2 billion in 2016, becoming the first female CEO in L’Oréal’s history. At one stage, she was down to her last $1,000, unsure of how she would make ends meet. JK Rowling had Harry Potter rejected 12 times before finding a publisher. These indomitable women illustrate that the difference between life’s winners and life’s losers is not just flair or talent, it’s fortitude.
Imagine if, as a baby, you had given up trying to walk or talk the first time you failed? Imagine if every time you fell over in life, you stayed down? Rejection and failure are as much a part of life as breathing in and out, and those who deal best with disappointment and come back fighting are life’s true winners.
I’ve had my fair share of disappointment and rejection, but for me, accepting and learning from failures is what makes the wins taste all the sweeter. Here then are my top tips for setting goals, maintaining motivation, and dealing with disappointment.
Reframe your goals
Don’t be too attached to one outcome. Follow your joy, enjoy the journey and trust that good things will happen. Rather than say “I want a new job in 2022”, flip it to “I’m going to apply for at least ten jobs which I’m passionate about this year”. If you hope to run a marathon, commit to the training programme, not the medal.
Enlist your tribe
Involve your friends by setting a challenge for who can rack up the highest number of bad dates, or bad interviews, and have a giggle. True friends will applaud you for trying, whatever the outcome.
Sometimes it’s okay to stay still
We can’t live life in the fast lane all of the time. If you got stuck in a traffic jam you wouldn’t blame yourself, so if things aren’t going your way, don’t be too hard on yourself. Life’s traffic jam will end soon enough. In the meantime, turn on the radio and chill.
Let yourself wallow
When things don’t go your way, allow yourself to feel it, but have a coping strategy: go for a run, meet a friend, watch a sad film and cry freely, or eat a family-sized tub of ice cream. Then get up the next day and shake yourself off, ready to try again.
Don’t take it personally
Sometimes timing is everything and your apparent rejection has nothing to do with your attractiveness, talent or ability. In Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert wrote about how she re-pitched a piece to an editor who had rejected it years previously, only to be told how wonderful it was. Keep in mind that you were not being rejected, just what you were offering at that moment in time.
Learn the lessons
If things didn’t go your way, think about what you can do differently next time. Ask for feedback if you can – it will help you to grow and improve. Do you need to work on your interview technique, implement a new training programme, or upskill? Formulating a plan will give you back a sense of control and purpose, which will boost your self-esteem.
Be your own cheerleader
Keep a file or folder where you gather positive feedback you’ve had from clients, samples of work you are proud of, or nice emails from colleagues. It’s a great place to turn to when you need some validation and encouragement.
Try anyway
The things I am most proud of in life are the risks I have taken – some have been spectacular successes, some spectacular failures. Ultimately, I’d rather try and fail than stay cowering in the corner. The surest way to fail is to never try in the first place.
Robert Louis Stevenson said it best: “Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” Let’s go with that.
Louise Slyth, February 2022
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